Category Archives: 40 Bullets

40 Bullets: Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice **SPOILERS!**

I’m just going to come out and say it: Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice was an unbridled pile of shit that made me want to burn every DC comic I own. Now, there are a FEW things I did like about the film (see if you can pick them out below), but overall, the movie was an incoherent mess. Here are 40 random thoughts about the film.  SPOILERS! Lots and lots of SPOILERS! If you actually want to see this train wreck without being tainted by “plot” details of the film, stop here…or don’t. Save you $10 and go to Chipotle or something instead. sup

  1. Who was that in Wayne Tower in Metropolis at the beginning of the film? It sounded like Bruce was calling him “Dad” or “Jack.” I couldn’t tell. Does Bruce have a step-dad? If not, why should we care about him?
  2. Why did it take a phone call from Bruce to evacuate the building? Um, hello…Kryptonian slug fest happening outside: GET THE FUCK OUT!
  3. What was with all the horses in this movie?
  4. So, wait, does Superman kill people now? He totally killed the mercenary dude by flying him through a brick wall. Does Superman not understand how humans work? Was this some sort of flesh bag durability trial he was conducting?
  5. Why was the whole Lexcorp bullet thing so important? Was it just a dumb plot device to give Lois Lane something to do?
  6. Wait, was that Jimmy Olsen as the CIA operative? Holy shit, it was. What?
  7. So is Lex just mad because he’s not Superman? Seems petty for a villain who is supposed to be cool and calculating.
  8. I am not okay with this Lex Luthor. I kept trying to convince myself that Jesse Eisenberg was doing a good job…but I’m not sure he was. Maybe he just went nuts without any sort of direction. It just goes to show that Zack Snyder sucks at making compelling villains. He even fucked up Ozymandias in Watchmen, a character that should have been insanely easy to bring to life. Snyder only thinks in absolutes when it comes to antagonists.
  9. What does Lexcorp do? I mean, I get the whole weapons thing, but the office looks like something you’d see in HBO’s Silicon Valley. What is Lexcorp’s front?
  10. Batman kills people. Like, a lot of people. I’m actually okay with this. He has become Frank Miller’s “The Goddamn Batman” (or just Michael Keaton’s Batman, who killed SO MANY people; seriously, go back and watch Batman and Batman Returns).
  11. I actually like this 20-year veteran Batman not giving a shit about mutilating and murdering criminals. Honestly, I feel like this would be the natural progression of Batman.
  12. Why was the “bat brand” a mark for death in prison? That was not explained at all.
  13. I like drunk Alfred.
  14. So I guess Alfred is playing the Lucius Fox role, too. Okay…why?
  15. Batman is pretty dumb for being the world’s greatest detective.
  16. How did Bruce not know Lex was sending him all the nastygrams?
  17. Is Bruce Wayne that easily shaken that he’d go to war with a god because someone was being mean to him?
  18. Why didn’t Bruce follow the whole “oh, wow this Diana Prince lady is over a 100 years old” thing further? You’d think it’d be important for Batman to know what her deal was before picking a fight with Supes.
  19. Hey Chris Pine was in the 1918 Wonder Woman picture. Cool.
  20. What the fuck was the Flash saying to Bruce in the Batcave? “Am I too early?” What does that mean?
  21. That dream sequence Bruce had was kinda cool, but I had no idea what was going on.
  22. What happened to Wayne Manor? Why was it burned to a crisp?
  23. Jeremy Irons voice is amazing…this has nothing to do with the movie, but I just wanted to comment on it.
  24. Lex’s plan was incredibly dumb…so was his backup plan. If Batman didn’t kill Superman, Lex was going to let Doomsday off his chain, right? Okay…then who would take out Doomsday? Even if Batman did slay The Man of Steel, would Doomsday still be let out of his weird birthing sack? It seemed like Lex was planning to execute these two schemes concurrently, which made no damn sense at all.
  25. Wonder Woman looked cool and I like how she fought. But that was about it. They did fuck all with her character.
  26. The Justice League cameos were laughably out of place.
  27. However, Aquaman looked pretty rad.
  28. Why aren’t these movies playing into the DC TV shows?
  29. We get it: Superman is Jesus and the Kryptonite spear is the Spear of Destiny. Yes, he’s the messiah…he had to be a martyr, yadda yadda. If that shit was any more ham-fisted, they would have buried Superman in a cave and then had a title card read “three days later.” Subtext should never be TEXT.
  30. The actual Batman/Superman fight was boring (just like most of this movie).
  31. “Martha!” Fuck off… That was the single dumbest way to bury the hatchet between rivals I have ever seen.
  32. Doomsday looked terrible. Like, really bad.
  33. It seemed like Wonder Woman would have eventually taken care of Doomsday by herself.
  34. Doomsday had no dick. Maybe this was why he (she?) was so angry.
  35. The Zod/Luthor hybrid/test-tube love child backstory of Doomsday works for the sake of movie continuity, but it was still pretty dumb. Doomsday had a badass backstory in the comics (which, honestly, was the only interesting thing about his character). Batman rescuing Martha Kent was pretty awesome. The way he fought a room full of people was exhilarating to watch, but it was too little, too late.
  36. Batman really had nothing to do during the last fight.
  37. Why didn’t Wonder Woman impale Doomsday with the Kryptonite spear? Oh, right…Superjesus had to do it.
  38. Wonder Woman questioning Bruce about why they should form the Justice League was the only rational thing any character in this movie said.
  39. Superman’s coffin was pretty.
  40. And finally, fuck this movie.
Tagged , , ,